Tag Archives: strength

Change of my shoe ‘soul’-

5 Aug

My walk has been slow cautious and comparatively skillful today. I have been walking on my toes in these heels. This morning as I approached towards my car to drive myself to work- I took more time not only to reach the vehicle but also to shift my feet between clutch and break. I have been suitably aware that I am cautious. I was wearing flat sole shoes yesterday, I ran towards the car- drove it with a zoom. Yesterday allowed me to be aggressive in my walk and I literally ran up the stairs to reach my desk.
Today- I changed my shoe, changed the height of my sole or should I say ‘soul’, stood taller but all I could actually remember was that I need to be more responsible with my moves- I need to be cautious that tic tac toe of my heels do not make a noise disturbing peaceful walk of other’s around me- I had to be aware that I maintain right distance between my footsteps. Aggression and run accommodated with the heights of these heels might make me fall halting my journey for long, affecting my goals. As and when I raise my height- there comes a risen responsibility, awareness, cautiousness, need for stable moves, pacified aggression, calm steps, maintained footsteps, less noise, expanded view and spectrum-all with a tall affirmative walk.
My toes pain, my heel burns ankles, my knees gruel, my legs shake but I adore the height my heels provide- I adore the raised demands it asks me for!
Tomorrow I wear another set of footwear- I am hoping I walk in heels again tomorrow- that is with affirmation!


Woman discovering Woman

25 Aug

As I march towards womanhood I see myself getting astonished by myself. All the answers that I received as a response from Maa or GrandMaa now fall in the frame perfect. I know now why they could never explain it to me that how did they manage ‘so much’ independently? I do realise and absorb the answer now- ‘it happens with time’ but along with that what I also realise is that as a Woman I am differently wired. We are wired to get a new life to the world, it gets as basic as that. When a woman carries the child,develops him, nurtures him, bring him to life and existence further nourish him-she invents a new life! She is built to do it. It comes from her core and it comes very plain to her. She gets this direction from her instinct to nurture, care, be warm, spread love and above all – think!
She thinks about all life breathing around her. About how to improve and regenerate, make it a better place to ponder around, invent, all this in a continuous monologue.
It’s as straight as how Men know if the car has broken down, is it the wheel or the carburetor or is it the shoe brake well who knows maybe clutch wire? Each time they are the doctors of their vehicle, someway or the other they know the reason of break down. Their peace is at knowing what is wrong and fixing it.

A woman’s solace is in nurturing, caring, spreading warmth and inventing.

They ask me what would I be doing if I was not thinking of them or taking care of them at the moment? They ask me with a thought process that am I diminishing my interests, dissolving my personality and zeroing out my existence while ‘dedicating’ myself?

My answer begins with a question-
Why do I need to leave something to do another thing? That is, what makes it project that if I am doing an ‘extra bit’, I have ‘compromised’ on myself to achieve that?
Answer to your question is the age old answer- ‘it happens with time’.
I am wired to do more than what seems realistic but IS realistic. I have been bestowed with courage and strength to shoulder it what you label as ‘extra bit’. I perform those bits parallel and no – in the process I am not ‘dedicating’ myself! I am just being plain sincere as a human.

What astonishes you now and astonished me as a child is invention of nature. It knew a woman is to nurture and hence is to be developed differently yet not exceptionally.
To me it’s recognition of skills we possess as a man and a woman. It’s balance of nature, balance of abilities, balance of existence.

What I do and appears ‘extra bit’ to you is what I am wired for. What stops my continuous phase of invention is not addition of the care and responsibility for you but demolition of my wiring which announces for taking care of you.

I am in existence to discover

Burn the Kernel to keep ‘Beautiful’ Life Alive-

7 Oct

As the fragrance leaves the petals and pith of the flower to spread around, it smiles seeing part of it part away only to emerge with tears during the night tears as tiny dew drops appearing on its soft tender skin.  As the ‘pleasant’ wind blows away from its originating nub, making several faces smile with its brush on the skin and through hair, it does not realize that the core was left behind silent, vaccumed, away, alone.  As the water simmers in the bowl only to be dissolved with healthy green tea dried petals, it burns itself to steam and loses its purity emerging as a mixture of green herbs.  As the mountain ranges let ice melt with heat of sun rays, ice which they had held close to themselves for uncontrollable range of time – only to let it reach as purest fresh form of water – water which is simile to life.  As the sun burns its essence and let the ray part away from it forever – only to let the universe shine while it dissolves itself slowly and gradually.  As the paint leaves the brush strands to let itself drain as a beautiful picture – only to dry on unknown sheet of canvas for pleasure of its onlookers.  As the wood let itself to be cut and carved – to be shaped and beautified.  As the chalk marks let themselves dust away from the board only for new words to be written and explained.  As the trees let their darling green leaves dry and shed only to let new season arrive.  As the pages of the book let themselves flip and pressed beneath weight of new pages – just so that learning continues.  As the walls of home let themselves be scratched and scalped recklessly only to be painted with fresh paint. As the waves leave ocean and hit the bay only to keep it replenished.  As the music nodes leave the guitar strings – shaking only to spread the pleasure of music around.   As the tears rolling down the eyes leave them all the more lonely only to give heart a moment of relaxation.  As the blood rushes through veins making heart pump louder and harder – only to sustain life.  As all these observations are made and typed – I learn that most beautiful aspects of life demand – yes not ask or require but DEMAND effort, endless effort, tireless hard work, unrecognizable focus, never ending energy and a never failing feeling of burning its kernel to sustain the beauty and amazement alive.  Keep life alive.

Aei Mann

19 May

Aei Mann tu itna khush mat ho
Kyunki jab jab tu khush hota hai
Tab tab darr yeh Lagta hai
Ki kya Hoga agar udasi fir chayegi
Kya hoga agar raat kaali fir aayegi
Kya Hoga agar Mann fir tutega
Tujhe rone se fir kaun rokega
Kaun tujhe fir sambhalega mann
Kaun barsaayega pyar tujh par mann
Kaun tujhe fir baandhega
Nahin mann, tu itna khush mat ho
Kaun tujhe fir thamega?
Aei Mann tu itna khush kyun hota hai
Har choti baat par fir tu rota hai
Nahin Mann tu khud ko sambhaal
Tol kar khushiyon ko
Sambhal sambhal kar jeevan ki jholi mein daal
Aei Mann tu khush Kyun hota hai
Ek veerana kona abhi bhi rota hai…

‘Jar’ clean ups…Life clean ups?

14 May

While watching a 60’s movie today and see Tabassum sizzle in Navy Blue chiffon Saree, I could not get away from the remark that Saree left in my thoughts. As my brother always say “You have an impressionist mind”. And then throughout the movie I kept getting amazed with her various chiffon Sarees. Later thought told me what caught my attention in those Sarees? It was the beautiful fabric painting that all those colorful pieces of chiffon had which were so mesmerizing – then and now! But still why did they mesmerize me? Because they took me back to those days when my mother used to paint as much beautifully on pieces of cloth. It started with handkerchief and kept changing with course of her life – table tops, cushion covers, curtains, Sarees, shirts for my Father post marriage, baby frocks and sheets post my birth, some more clothing as I grew to be her doll and then? I can’t recall exactly when all those fabric painted cloths started disappearing. Then all I remember is shift to branded clothing that we started buying. Those gorgeously beautiful hand painted flowers with crisp contentment to them no more appeared around me. Jar of creativity in my Mother’s life is now filled with concern and settlement of future. Its glass walls reflect dense wires of questions and anticipation. This jar keeps staring at me and asks “what will you satiate me with to bring freshness back?”
My answer to the jar today is “I’ll search my house high and low to get those Sarees/Shirts/bed covers/pillow covers/handkerchief and put them in front of my mother telling her Maa let’s empty the jar of creativity, wash it, rinse it, make it shine (and it will sparkle like one of those dish washer soap advertisement and go *tinn*) and refill with crisp creativity yet again. Lets use the old, rusted not in use jar to stuff dense wires of questions and anticipation because I know you won’t throw them away.” And then I’ll keep both the jars together making both gain equal attention but one not replacing the other.

Do you need ‘Jar clean up’ as well?


13 May

My first formal speech-

While I was growing up as a child, I contributed well to the handsome list of challenges for my parents. I threw tantrums to wake up early morning and get ready for school and they dealt with it with patience, smile, calmness and refused to give up. As we went to a restaurant they would make sure we order food that I will like and consume happily. As I crossed the road holding index finger of my Father (as my hand will disappear in his huge hand) he will make sure that I stand behind him protected from flow of traffic. As I take my own leisure time to cross the road and at time slip out of my sandals leaving them beside, taking care of my hair clips-he’ll quickly rush and grab those again with smile, patience, calmness and refused to give up. While my mother prepared me for examination, making sure I revise, practice, don’t get nervous if subject appeared difficult and put in all her energy to make me ready, I could never score above average range of 75% still next time she will put in same course of efforts to make me prepare and refused to give up. Those were some of the scenes from my childhood.

Now when I cross the road with my parents, I make sure they stand beside me and that I expose myself to the fast pace of traffic, keeping them guarded. As we prepare to dine out, I begin giving them alarms few hours in advance because I know with their old age they will be slow and take easy time to be ready. As we plan for a restaurant, I give it thought if the restaurant will serve the food they like and will be able to digest considering their ailments. As I train them on new technology of WiFi, 3G, Facebook, smart phones, emails and others in the brand list, and they tend to forget the teachings, commands, instructions, steps I – just like them refuse to give up and revisit with them the chapters taught already with patience that they will score above average.

With this I realized that generations pass on Legacy of care, concern, sensitivity, love, patience, smile, calmness and refuse to give up behavior. This is a legacy we never mention about or get to a realization of since it’s not materialistic however to me this is the legacy to pass on and receive.