Archive | October, 2012

Unique similar to ‘Alone’

9 Oct

The part of the city I live in is oozing life of my city. A life full of glitter, shine, youth, energy, a step ahead always, looked upto and in plain words a hub and spoke of rich and famous ones.
It’s throbbing with world ahead, where faces are plastic and voice is tinched. It is an influence on other portions of the city and tracked by paparazzi.
All this sparkle makes an opinion of me being a snob just by the virtue of me holding a residence in such a part of the city. It – for other make me as someone walking with high heels in her head matching high heels beneath her foot flesh. It also implies that I ‘must be’ a touch-me-not human doll who pops out her eyes on notice of pinch of dust. Someone who will have a running nose with smell of trash. A ‘superior’ girl unknown of the truths of daily chores of domestic life. That by spontaneous division of the society puts me in a bunch of female division for whom high tea conversations are the only social gatherings most close to a female’s heart. It also portrays me in the group which is dipped in artificial beauty just like sponge cake running under chocolate fountain. Alluring to look at but just too much to be tasted and swallowed- far away being eaten in whole. The clothes- shinier than the diamonds and Swarovski on the fingers, clutches- as sophisticated as supple manicured hands holding them, needle shaped heel tips, as sharp as the scissor like talks of the tongue, accessorized long nails and vanishing waists – making the viewer wonder is it the hip bone holding that spanking golden belt or golden belt holding together the hips bones in their nest and extremely little flesh.
Yes all this glitter and more – grabs so much attention that beauty peeping right through all this shimmer is waste and dull.
By virtue of my home location, all the human jewels of me, my creative thoughts, rainbow touched colors of my eyes, musical nodes of my talks, my most genuine concerns and behaviors, my humble learnings and respect for elders, all is a waste and non existent entity. All by virtue of my residence location and it’s glitter. My fashion sense is where they want to stop their thoughts, my inclination towards gadgets and technological advancement is perceived to be a desire to get the latest and trendiest assuming that I make use if them without holding much knowledge of their functionalities and technicalities. My portion of life where I extend my arms to street kids is all too dirty to be observed and noticed. That is not expected by girl belonging to this side of the city. Even if it shows on the surface, it’s all hidden and not acceptable to them. My respect for elders and conversation with Almighty are not taken to be true. No – never a kid of this colony of the city practices spirituality. Its all too tacky for them. They cant be doing it- I can’t be practicing it for real. I find myself walking a strange path- resembling faces of my part of the city while being unique in my conduct and thought process. Girls of this section of the city are not expected to be ‘humble’, ‘plain’, ‘simple’, ‘serious’, ‘thinkers’, ‘grounded to earth’- well I am grilled to earth, engraved- embossed to the soil and sand. In the decorative box of pretty looking chocolates, as delicious in their artificial essence with me resembling the surrounding chocolates of the same box but extremely basic in essence and aura. This leaves me as a thinker, courageous and entertaining writer but ‘Unique’ in a very lonely sense of the word. That word put in quotes puts me alone. Trapped in this essence of confused resemblance and unknown conducts. Unique and Alone.

Burn the Kernel to keep ‘Beautiful’ Life Alive-

7 Oct

As the fragrance leaves the petals and pith of the flower to spread around, it smiles seeing part of it part away only to emerge with tears during the night tears as tiny dew drops appearing on its soft tender skin.  As the ‘pleasant’ wind blows away from its originating nub, making several faces smile with its brush on the skin and through hair, it does not realize that the core was left behind silent, vaccumed, away, alone.  As the water simmers in the bowl only to be dissolved with healthy green tea dried petals, it burns itself to steam and loses its purity emerging as a mixture of green herbs.  As the mountain ranges let ice melt with heat of sun rays, ice which they had held close to themselves for uncontrollable range of time – only to let it reach as purest fresh form of water – water which is simile to life.  As the sun burns its essence and let the ray part away from it forever – only to let the universe shine while it dissolves itself slowly and gradually.  As the paint leaves the brush strands to let itself drain as a beautiful picture – only to dry on unknown sheet of canvas for pleasure of its onlookers.  As the wood let itself to be cut and carved – to be shaped and beautified.  As the chalk marks let themselves dust away from the board only for new words to be written and explained.  As the trees let their darling green leaves dry and shed only to let new season arrive.  As the pages of the book let themselves flip and pressed beneath weight of new pages – just so that learning continues.  As the walls of home let themselves be scratched and scalped recklessly only to be painted with fresh paint. As the waves leave ocean and hit the bay only to keep it replenished.  As the music nodes leave the guitar strings – shaking only to spread the pleasure of music around.   As the tears rolling down the eyes leave them all the more lonely only to give heart a moment of relaxation.  As the blood rushes through veins making heart pump louder and harder – only to sustain life.  As all these observations are made and typed – I learn that most beautiful aspects of life demand – yes not ask or require but DEMAND effort, endless effort, tireless hard work, unrecognizable focus, never ending energy and a never failing feeling of burning its kernel to sustain the beauty and amazement alive.  Keep life alive.

My ticket to fame!

4 Oct

Girls of age group close to 5 mostly aspire to be teachers because they look upto their school teachers and find it to be most noble work – well atleast child’s concept is like that and boys of that early age want to be cricketer! I at age of 5 wanted to win a beauty pageant and my brother wanted to be either a Truck Driver or a Bus Driver. My idea of being ‘Miss pageant’ was to stay pretty, dress pretty and amaze the crowd. My brothers’ concept was that truck and bus drivers own those huge vehicles so that makes them rich while serving the purpose of accommodating joint family outings with an ease. As you can see his logical side was pretty active even at that tender age.
My parents thought that my desire to be Miss ‘pageant’ will go away as I grow. To their dismay, it kept maturing with my growth.

My Father- an electronic media journalist often used to take me along while his LIVE bulletins were broadcasted on national TV. The excitement of being close to news panel with several control buttons spread across, hearing my father shouting ‘and cut’ ‘and switch’ ‘and clip’ filled me with drug like experience. Nothing did excite me as much as accompanying him on his assignments. It was absolutely wonderful to be in the same green rooms with the news readers and some of the known politicians/anchors/artists. All those bright lights of the news room made my thought of stepping into glamor world embossed in my mind.

Sometime in 90’s both ‘Miss Universe’ and ‘Miss World’ contests were bagged by participants from my country. I started following those pageants all the more. I wanted to make all efforts in the right direction. I would dress up with my mother’s scarf flowing by the belt of my frock acting as if I am walking the ramp in front of tiny mirror of my room. And I’ll make all those ‘Oh My God’ faces and blush as if I’ve been crowned! I secretly made a crown for myself constituted of lots of buttons only to get a confused expression from my grandmother whose sewing box they belonged to!

While my thought of being Miss ‘pageant’ kept soaring high, my height refused to soar any higher than current 5’4″. That added with my fat composed bulky round structure shook me to realize that I can’t be a winner there! It made my 15 year old brain think that I can be a fashion designer if not Miss ‘pageant’! I am creative – after all I could create a crown out of buttons and stitch clothes for my dolls of the handkerchief my mother used to buy for me – eventually which went missing 😉

I prepared and appeared for School X fashion designing school’s entrance exam only to realize my creativity getting dissolved when test question was to use a tea strainer in most creative form and I had no creativity bubbling or School Y test of creating pen designs for 12 different professionals like Doctors, Engineers, Architect to name a few. I terribly failed and got pursued science based graduation course limiting my desire of creativity as an experiment on my wardrobe with myself being the broad stout model with frizzy hair and dark circles! I surrendered to the realization of dreams failing and continued with life.

All this only to my surprise when I received an email from ‘Secret Personnel’ that they want me for one of the acclaimed group posing for a picture. I was asked if I’ll be comfortable posing! Did you say ‘comfortable’! It’s my hell of a chance to live the dream again! I said a definite Yes and told them I am obliged! Honestly I was more than obliged! I started thinking of what I want to wear? Started looking out for various models dressed up in corporate attire posing! Yeah I could pose and this time for a real picture than my dreams! What color of cloth will appeal the camera? What make up will not make my face shine and what do I do of my dark circles? Red eye- I want to get rid of red eye. What do I do for that? I posed, posed and posed several times in front of my mirror. I also wanted to practice for most genuine smile. The day arrived and so did viral infection. Yeah something had to go wrong but well it’s adrenaline which helped me not show my illness on my face. I was ready and so was the photographer who made me comfortable! We clicked several of those as if I was getting my portfolio made 🙂 and then we decided to come up with a final poster picture. I acclaimed my fame and its exciting as well as heart whelming when not just colleagues but even the security guards of office premises recognize me through this picture. One literally stopped me and asked if I am the girl in VI floor poster picture!
During this week of joy of giving , I want to give this ‘Thank You’ note to my mentors and my secret photographer for giving me this opportunity of living my dream. I feel I’ve been crowned and this time for real 🙂