The Vicious Feeling

12 Feb

After a while you are going through so much of it that you stop expressing it. Every now and then you feel this sudden urge to talk about it but then you don’t. You do not because you know how many times you have already spoken about it and that it changed nothing. All around you have life of their own. They can absorb your pain only so much and then then have to return back to their chores. You are left to feel it on your own. They can empathize but they cannot feel it for you. Well not as much as you do. That is because its your feeling, Your loss, your pain, your injury. Its you who goes through it and then your creator. Your mother. Somehow mothers feel it for you magically. More than you can feel it for yourself. And then you see them feeling it for you and you want to nudge the feeling away that something is wrong because A. just feeling it all the time does not change anything and B. you don’t want your mother in pain. So for all that you leave it all for a while only to get back to it like a vicious circle after a couple of days or hours or seconds or minutes and this goes on. Question is until when will this go on. That is the question.

You cant cherish them together- Comfort and Learnings

4 Aug

It all looks so beautiful on FacebookPretty faces

charming dresses

amazing shoes

bling watches and jewelry

smiling faces

a couple all in love

fun frolic and moments of a foreign land

…and then there are thoughts – “Wow They are living time of their life, wish we could be like them”

What it does not show is the struggle because you don’t want to capture it and get a whining sound around

No you don’t want to put that on Facebook because that will not hit ‘likes’

What it does not show is the loneliness you end up with because you see all those people you were with just few days back – still together and you sit here by the side of your room’s window sipping your cup of black coffee thanking the fortune to be able to sip a cup of Davidoff everyday

No it also does not show the fight over your own thoughts which make your inner self ask everyday “Did I do it right by leaving all of it behind?”

Then you pick up Pinterest motivational quotes,you watch some inspirational talks on TED and you force to thank yourself for what you have because it’s way much better than what others landed with. That to my knowledge is a ridiculous way to look at life.
What one needs to be reminded of is that each moment you uproot yourself from your comfort zone you end up in a pile of struggle to discover your new puzzle of knowledge

You cannot cherish both together -comfort zone and learning that is…

They don’t go hand in hand

Facebook reflects the uncomfortable times as beautiful times because you don’t put your “Mom I cried again today” teary eyed pictures up on Facebook

You don’t want them to appear on your “On this day last year” app down the lane

Quest for more Knowledge and Fresh Learnings ask for you to ponder the streets unknown- squeeze all abilities of you-question your self worth- demand you to prove you are capable- get you to sign the storming document that you will not wander over your comfort zone ever again…

Its a new establishment and you start fresh irrespective of how much you have acclaimed or expertise so far

A race for Top 10 has to begin from ZERO and its duration remains endless

Go and run the new streets with unknown bumps

With Love

Nature of nature

17 Aug

If only human relationship were as simply complex as nature across the world that we could have been little less complicated. Nature remains twirled in its own complex way, across the limits, beyond the boundaries, basic in three colors of green, brown and blue. It’s songs remain the plain old swirl of wind, it’s journey remain still with vast green grass lands, it’s morning and dawn remains loyal to the presence and departure of sun, it’s rythm is the talk between the leaves and it’s celebration remains in its existence itself. Nature so simply complicated and existing plain. We so jumbled and lost. If only our dreams were not just high like mountains but rigid like their stones…and our emotions were not so parched like ground but seamlessly fluid like flowing water…if we could keep our feet strong like brown soil beneath us…and if we knew how to keep our conversations as fresh as the breeze…if we could adopt the nature of nature that we could be simply complex in a basic way of life.

Change of my shoe ‘soul’-

5 Aug

My walk has been slow cautious and comparatively skillful today. I have been walking on my toes in these heels. This morning as I approached towards my car to drive myself to work- I took more time not only to reach the vehicle but also to shift my feet between clutch and break. I have been suitably aware that I am cautious. I was wearing flat sole shoes yesterday, I ran towards the car- drove it with a zoom. Yesterday allowed me to be aggressive in my walk and I literally ran up the stairs to reach my desk.
Today- I changed my shoe, changed the height of my sole or should I say ‘soul’, stood taller but all I could actually remember was that I need to be more responsible with my moves- I need to be cautious that tic tac toe of my heels do not make a noise disturbing peaceful walk of other’s around me- I had to be aware that I maintain right distance between my footsteps. Aggression and run accommodated with the heights of these heels might make me fall halting my journey for long, affecting my goals. As and when I raise my height- there comes a risen responsibility, awareness, cautiousness, need for stable moves, pacified aggression, calm steps, maintained footsteps, less noise, expanded view and spectrum-all with a tall affirmative walk.
My toes pain, my heel burns ankles, my knees gruel, my legs shake but I adore the height my heels provide- I adore the raised demands it asks me for!
Tomorrow I wear another set of footwear- I am hoping I walk in heels again tomorrow- that is with affirmation!

‘Run’ life

4 Aug

And you thought you were running the life – you such a fool, it runs you makes you jog then hop then walk and run uphill. There is absolute fair reward system in all this excruciating routine it paves for you. It makes you witness some of the most experiential moments, how gently it puts you in front of a pit and teaches you to avoid it while you are still huffing and puffing with your jog. How skillfully it introduces you to some fabulous joyous moments which you want to keep visiting back while you continue rest of your jog forward. How wonderfully it does not let you look back and if you are persistent still- it puts a hump in your path which you unless jump; shall fall. As you fall, it strikes the ground so hard against your face that you collect all your bruises together to gain the strength of standing up. Then at that moment you start jogging again, this time more gently, cautiously, willfully with little more awareness in blink of your eyes- lessons of humps met with and learnt from so far playing as some soulful songs in your earphone. As you cover the next few milestones, it exposes you to changing paths, fellow joggers, passerby who are running faster than you- some you want to overlook and some you pick to get inspired from. It presents you with this great mix of lot- some bright some dull colors. You look high up at the sky and now it does not seem as high as it was when you started your jog. As you continue the remaining laps- LIFE smiles back at you as it knows you still think you are jogging because you want to but it knows you are jogging because it is making you to.

Again

2 Aug

Doing it all over again, the walk the talk the coffee writing with a chalk
The laughter the wind the feelings in sync
The smile the people the leaves and petals
Doing it all over again with sky as our earth and stars as our charms
The clouds as our lines the lights as our dawn
Doing it again and again with time so little and time so much has passed by
The toes so energetic
The eyes so rise
Doing it once more this time with claps and contention
Cheers and joys
Doing it for us for all
Doing it to trace what has passed on the history the snapshots the pictures the moments
Reliving it again now and once more…

Uglier beautiful mankind

31 Jul

How much intellectually illiterate and how much jubilant about that
How much culturally shamed and how much glorified
How much colorfully blank and how happy
How much uglier with lack of emotions and how beautifully satisfied
How much deprived of facts and how unaware about it
How much unruly in behavior and how much pride around it
How insensitive about being sensitive
How dry with flood of emotions
How much aggressive about being loud
How much thoughtful about being a big crowd
How much irresponsible with mountain full of power
How much blind with light so dark
How much ashamed of values of life
How much ignorant of valleys, flowers and it’s kinds
How much impatient of showing some patience some care
How much in race of journey that requires stand still some glare
How much blank for pages full of writing
How much shut to conversation full of sightings
How much aware of information not important at all
How much unaware of when nature takes a toll
How much short in front of dwarfed self esteem
How much a ruler of rules even when just a merge thief
How much unorganized, dissatisfied, discourteous, disoriented and disgraced
How much not so thankful, not so acknowledging, not so much for actual fun and flare
How much ruthless about being mankind
How much an animal in race of human and then survive